Life in the United Kingdom - The Home Office

Let me tell you a little story: There once was a girl who lived in the UK for years and years. She never needed any resident’s permits or visas because she was an EU citizen. Then one day she thought: “Why don’t I become British? I must be eligible!” And lo an behold, she was!!! So she started reading about the process of naturalisation and finding the forms and documents she would need. And then suddenly she stumbles across something called a “citizenship test”. “What is that?” She asks herself. “ A test?” So she reads a bit more and finds out that there is indeed a test that you have to sit to be able to apply for citizenship.

And of course, where there is a test, there is a book to study from... Enter Life in the United Kingdom: A journey through citizenship. (I swear I’m not making it up, that’s what it’s called...) The content was useful. I won’t go as far as to describe it as interesting but useful is a fair enough description. The language, as was expected, was very simple and this at least gave it some entertainment value when you reached parts like the Holidays and Festivals section where Santa was described as an old man coming in the house at night, when the children are asleep to leave things and drink alcohol. That was, aside from creepy, hilarious. Aside from sections like that, because the language was very simple some more complex concepts were overly simplified and that was less funny. In terms of information load there were useful bits and bits that even though they come up in tests (and in the majority they did in mine.... sigh...) are completely pointless. Why is it important to know how many independent schools there are in the UK? How will that help me as a future citizen of the UK? Pointless.

The other issue was the fact that there were no sample questions in the book. If you are like me and in this case you are just studying for the test rather than for the fun of it (in which case: What is wrong with you???) then the sample questions would at least make you focus on the appropriate pieces of trivia that they will ask you before you can successfully get on with your life! All in all, not a fun read, but if you have to read it then do it with patience and a sense of humour.

And if you are wondering...the girl in the story passed her test....

Enjoyed it: Oh no...

Read again: Absolutely not.

275 days remaining - 16 books down, 1 unfinished,  84 left.

Dead Man’s Folly - Agatha Christie

Ah. She did it again. How does she do it? Every time.  I always think I have it and then vzooom, in comes Mrs Christie to call me, indirectly, an idiot. Well played...

I picked a murder mystery to bring me back to my comfort zone after The Hunger Games scarred me. I cannot explain it but there is something incredibly cosy about Poirot mysteries. We are talking about murders and loss of life etc but there is nothing savage about it. Sleuthing can successfully be accomplished with a good cup of tea after all.
It’s actually always tricky finding a Poirot that I haven’t either read or watched so I was very proud of my little discovery of this unspoiled little treasure. Notice here that I said a Poirot rather than any Agatha Christie. That is because very simply, and probably unfairly, I really dislike Miss Marple stories. The plot is there but the pace just reduces me to tears! I have read seven out of the fourteen Miss Marple books and with the exception of Sleeping Murder (that was cool!) it was a snoozefest. The Body in the Library almost killed me! But Hercule Poirot is very special. Five Little Pigs  remains my absolute favourite but there are quite a few contenders like After the Funeral or Mrs McGinty’s Dead. Dead Man’s Folly is not up there but it did very well!

I really thought I had it. Honestly. I was just about to email my application for Head of Sleuthing at Scotland Yard when that twist came along. How did she come up with things like that? I always thought if Agatha Christie decided to murder anyone it would be a really clever plan and no one would be any wiser afterwards. Maybe she did actually murder people right left and center... What an unpleasant thought...


Enjoyed it: Very much

Read again: No. I never re-read murder mysteries...

304 days remaining – 15 books down, 1 unfinished,  85 left.

Catching Fire/ Mockinjay - Suzanne Collins

(This is going to be a two-in-one review as I read both books one after the other and the story line is continuous between them. So you’ve been warned...)

After the nightmare that was Blindness (I’m sticking to my story, even though it is officially considered a masterpiece- I hated it.) I wanted something I knew I would enjoy, something to cheer me up. So I chose The Hunger Games sequels. Because I’m a moron. What person in their right mind would pick post apocalyptic/Orwellian novels to cheer themselves up? I hear you say. And how right you are.

The thing with The Hunger Games books is that they haunt you. After you’ve read them you can’t just close the book and get on with your life. It stays with you.It’s been weeks since I finished the first book and I find myself still thinking through situations. What would I have done if I were in her shoes. Who would I believe. How would I go on about it. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The second and third books (Catching Fire and Mockinjay) are about ten times as powerful as the first one. Mockinjay in particular, where war is described in all its horror and glorious HD feels almost claustrophobic.

What I truly admire in the sequels is the fact that war is not made to look elegant or heroic or justified. War is nasty. People are horrible and there are no clear cut good guys. It’s not like Star Wars where the Rebels can do no wrong and the Empire is the source of all evil. It’s not even as subtle as Harry Potter. It is gory, unfair and confusing. That makes it feel real.

It’s very difficult to write this review without giving anything away. Not that I necessarily think people would want to read the books I review but if anyone does I would hate to ruin it for you. It will be like the person who halfway through Seven told me what happened in the end. I still hate that guy. What is tricky about The Hunger Games is that as already mentioned, it’s all about war. And since I do not want give away who made it out of the Arena of the first book alive even mentioning names is a spoiler. A heartbreaking spoiler mind you as some of the names remain hilarious. But it’s ok, we have more ridiculous names to make up for the ones I can’t mention. A guy is called Beetee. Beetee. As in BT. Seriously. Painful.

Aside from their silly names, the characters are perfectly portrayed. None of them is 100% good and has a halo when (s)he walks. you can imagine them as real people, making mistakes, changing their minds, being scared, being cruel. They are human. And that makes their moments of bravery exceptionally admirable. As an example, I don’t admire Harry Potter for doing the right thing as much as, say,  Dumbledore (who’s background is way more complex than presented in the movies)or even Ron who keeps changing his mind. I admire many characters in The Hunger Games because they do what they think is right especially when the answer is not obvious. I often felt that in their shoes, I really wouldn’t stand a chance. What is interesting is that even though I kept trying to put myself in their shoes it is a pointless exercise because they all grew up in a very different world to mine.

The most unexpected part in the books was the fact that some parts are actually written with humour and you really couldn’t help but laugh. I know I felt guilty when I laughed but some of the exchanges between characters are so humorous in a very subtle way that it was unavoidable. I’m not saying it cracked me up, because it didn’t, it’s just that perfect balance between irony and sarcasm.

Apparently there’s going to be a movie made out of the first book. So I’m assuming the other two books will be adapted as well. Some actors will really have some very big shoes to fill. I just hope they get it right.

And finally, I need to own up to the criticism in the first book about the love triangle that seemed forced and pointless. I take it all back. I am, after all, a moron.

Now I really need something lighthearted...

Enjoyed it: It was excellent.

Read again: When I recover from the devastating effects Mockinjay had to my psyche, sure!

311 days remaining – 14 books down, 1 unfinished,  86 left.

Blindness - Jose Saramago

Well, I don’t usually leave books unfinished but this has been excruciating. I have 30 pages left and I truly cannot carry on. I refuse to.  I do not often feel the rage from books. But hey, there’s always a first time.  I know, it’s won a Nobel prize and I know it’s considered a  masterpiece. I  thought it was horrid.

First and foremost, the style: I know this is some sort of Saramago signature style and I’m probably too dumb to get it  but punctuation was invented for a reason and I believe that his style is not beautiful enough to justify the grammatical abuse. Plus, it’s exhausting, trying to keep up with who said what...

In terms of topic do not misunderstand me: I have no objections to doom literature about the collapse of society and the emotional and spiritual blindness that this is obviously an allegory for (I’m dumb but not that dumb...) My favourite book as a kid was Lord of the flies (I was a weird kid.). So it’s not the topic. But I really, truly hated it. The characters left me completely disinterested. The style really wasn’t for me and throughout the story you had this: “this is so deep and meaningful but I am a simple guy writing a story” vibe that made it painful.

I’ll keep it short: books like that are the reason I am always suspicious when something is described as a masterpiece. On my way home I will be donating my copy to a charity shop. Maybe by raising money for a charity this book can undo some of  the harm it has caused.

313 days remaining – 12 books down, 1 unfinished,  88 left.

The Constant Gardener – John le Carré

My very first le Carré. I know, you probably think I’ve been living under a rock or something and I may have to agree with this because I can now honestly say it was a gap in my literary education. Now I know that this is what a well-written thriller actually looks like.

What I found fascinating was the characters, major and minor ones alike. They are most  certainly not all pleasant, in fact very few of them are, but none of them is one-dimensional. Aside from the major characters like the protagonist and his murdered wife (that’s not a spoiler by the way!) who are thoroughly researched and presented in such a way that I feel I’ve known them all my life, minor characters are fully formed. The truly astonishing fact is that he can give secondary characters substance in about three sentences. It really is a joy to read.

The other good thing is that this is a thriller with brains. You can’t actually follow it if you are not paying attention, which is more than I can say about the Grisham I attempted a month ago! The really bad guys are identified quite early on, what is challenging is trying to get your head around all the in-between characters. There are so many shades of grey that you lose count. It’s fun.

What was also very interesting was the realism. There were no magic bullets, the hero didn’t turn overnight to Jason Bourne, shooting his way thorugh injustice and his next steps were never obvious. Everything felt real. Which makes it even more scary. Especially when in the author’s note le Carré describes his plot as a “holiday postcard”. I’m not saying everything le Carré says is gospel but I really wouldn’t be surprised if I read anything like that in the news!

I have quite a lot to say about this book but most of it focuses on the ending and that would be a massive spoiler. And not even I would dare to be that annoying! One detail that will probably haunt me is Tessa’s (murdered wife to the uninitiated) preference to freesias. My sister loves freesias and that detail actually gave me nightmares!

Enjoyed: Yes!

Read again: Absolutely!

318 days remaining – 12 books down, 88 left.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog - Muriel Barbery

I would not have picked up this book normally, not because it doesn’t sound interesting, but because it just didn’t sound like anything I would normally read. And to be fair that would have been my loss.

This is the story of Renee, an ageing autodidact concierge in a bourgeois apartment block in Paris, and Paloma, a twelve-year-old girl who has decided that by her thirteenth birthday she would commit suicide. To be fair, there really isn’t very much of a plot other than that. I mean, sure, a sudden death in the building starts a chain of events that affects both their lives, but that is hardly the point of the book.

Both women are interesting in a sense that somehow they feel they have to hide a part of themselves from others. Renee feels she should act ignorant and coarse, hiding her extraordinary passion for literature and Paloma thinks she should hide her “remarkable intelligence” (her words, not mine) from the world. Their reasons for this, other than giving the author starting material, are very thin indeed. As for Paloma’s suicide plans, even though she did explain it her logic is so flawed the reader really doesn’t take her claims seriously. Renee is by far a superior literary character to Paloma simply because you can’t help but feel for her. Paloma is too annoying for you to feel for.

Japanese culture is very prominent throughout the book. It is presented as the more elegant uncluttered cousin of European culture. Well that’s a bit unfair! Also, having two unrelated characters focusing on Japanese culture before you introduce the external stimulus is in the same neighbourhood as half the coincidences in The Poe Shadow. Possible, but a bit unlikely as there are so many world cultures that could have inspired her heroines.

With all these aside, this book really did grow on me. It’s true, the plot made me roll my eyes quite a few times, and the nonchalance of a mother letting her twelve year old daughter go to a middle aged man’s apartment for tea on her own was a bit off-putting! Yet it is beautifully written and you really do feel for Renee. I think what really makes this book stand out is the true insight in the life of upper middle class Paris. Renee is an invaluable narrator because her deep understanding of human nature makes it so easy for the reader to interpret the small insignificant actions that could have gone unobserved. Paloma on the other hand, well she was there, and I’m sure she had her uses… Somehow…

It turns out they have made a movie out of this book. I really don’t know how to be fair as the plot is possibly its least important aspect. Maybe I should watch it and see. Watch this space!

Enjoyed it: Yes, very much.

Read again: Easily!

325 days remaining – 11 books down, 89 left.

The Hours – Michael Cunningham

“Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself…” goes the story by Mrs Woolf and Michael Cunningham picks up this moment to say three separate stories about three separate women. All three have more in common with one another than it is immediately obvious and all three are affected in one way or another by Mrs Dalloway. The first woman is, of course, Virginia Woolf in the process of writing the novel. The second is Mrs Brown, a housewife in the late forties, trapped in her picture perfect life and finally there is present-day Clarissa Vaughn getting ready to throw a party for her terminally ill friend. All three stories mirror Mrs Dalloway’s day either in a direct fashion (Clarissa starts her day by buying flowers for the party she is throwing) or in a more indirect way such as Laura Brown being deeply affected by a passing kiss she shared with Kitty.

Clarissa’s story is by far the one most obviously mirroring Mrs Dalloway in the sense that even the character names are either the same or variations of the original characters. What is more interesting however is how actually the characters do not really represent their namesakes. For example, Sally, Clarissa’s partner, is actually closer to Richard Dalloway than to Sally Seton. In the same sense Richard in Clarissa’s story echoes Septimus rather than Richard Dalloway. The distinctions might appear fine but they are actually quite crucial. Clarissa’s story is easily the one that moves the plot forward, however this story is truly not plot driven. We are privy to the innermost thoughts of the leading ladies throughout and that is exactly what the point of the story is. With that in mind it comes as no surprise that my favourite story is that of Mrs Brown.

I know, leave it to me to pick the Drama Queen as my favourite character but hear me out here: Laura Brown is by far the most exciting of the three simply because she is quietly trapped. Virginia Woolf, battling mental illness and prejudice, is trapped in (rural at the time!) Richmond but there is nothing quiet about her. In a sense, Virginia Woolf is much more liberated than Laura Brown. Virginia Woolf knows exactly what it is she wants. Laura Brown doesn’t. That is exactly what makes her story more fascinating, she is at the very beginning of her self discovery. We just glimpse one day at the very start of her biggest plot line. The other thing that makes Laura Brown truly stand out as a character is the weird mixture of self-pity and clear cut realism: She fantasises about people being shocked if she committed suicide but a paragraph later she realistically evaluates the damage such an action can cause and what she perceives as her moral responsibilities.

At times I felt Virginia Woolf’s storyline was only there as a guide. It felt, in a way, as if the story had only been added so that the reader can make the connection between Mrs Dalloway, Laura and Clarissa. Adding the author’s suicide (that’s not a spoiler! You must have known she’d killed herself!) in the prologue was only there to make some subtle symbolism in Laura’s story click, at least in my eyes. Short of him saying: “See what I did there, reader? I painted the room turquoise!” he did everything in his power.

What really got to me though, in my own selfish level, was how deep and meaningful every single thought by pretty much everyone was. All the time! Is it just me that can spend ages trying to make up my mind in the supermarket about yogurt A vs yogurt B (the price is right, but will the taste be up for it?) and looking at my phone bill perplexed? These women can probably only put the laundry on while mentally debating what their choice of detergent really says about their inner morality! I feel exceptionally trivial but I can’t help but think that if I had such a constant flow of self-evaluation and re-evaluation my brain would melt. But maybe that’s just me…

Enjoyed it: Hmmm… I don’t think it can be classified as enjoyable but I gained a lot from reading it.

Read again: Probably.

332 days remaining – 10 books down, 90 left.